Beginning Of The Last
by ladierock
Summary: Rose has a diferent idea on how to kill Dimitri and then come back and save him. Richelle mead recieves all credit. "Either decision I made would most likely result in my death so why not go down fighting?"-Rose R&R hope yalike the beginning!
1. A Lover's Plan

**A/N: Long time since my last Update but a recent review reminded me of how I practically abandoned this story. This is just a reposting of the original five chapters, revised and corrected. I thank all fans that have stuck with and continued to support this story. I hope I don't let you guys down again. RxR please. : D**

The thought of losing him hurt me. The thought of killing him killed me. I continued to pace around the room. Butterflies crawling in my stomach, my hand itching and flinching with need to hit something, and my head was spinning with muddled confusion.

Can I bring my self to do it?

I had no choice. Well according to Dimitri I did but those weren't options on my list. Besides either decision I made would most likely result in my death so why not go down fighting?

I went into action as quickly as the plan had come to me. _I can take the cowardly way out or fight. I'm going down fighting. _

I moved so quickly around the room it took a few seconds for my insides to catch up with me. He'd be back soon so I had to use what time I had. I pinned my hair into a loose bun on top of my head exposing my neck willingly for the first time, slipped on the lacy black dress slip with a high slit in the thigh, and lightly applied make-up to my face.

First step to my loose plan: seduction.

If I can get Dimitri in a moment of weakness I'll have the upper hand. Looks like this long monologue he taught me are really paying off. I guess I paid attention after all. With a face like that who wouldn't pay attention though?

I took the wooden piece of wood 'd broken off the chair earlier and hid it on the side of the bed I'd lured him on the most.

The majority of my clothes were still in the city but he left me my jacket, a few too brightly colored dresses (so he'd be able to see me better on the off chance I got away), and my converse.

I hid my jacket, a white sweater and dark green spaghetti strap dress in between the two-mattress bed and waited. It took the twenty minutes later he arrived to get my stomach fluttering again. Weather it was his presence, his strogoi evilness, or the thought I had to kill him in a few minutes that raised my blood pressure a few notches.

"So, I see you've cleaned your self up a little," he said slowly stalking toward me on the foot of the bed. I had my best seductive smile on, and was leaning back far enough for him to get a good view of my chest.

"Only for you dear," I replied. I'd been acting like a dumb do-do for the past few days so a response like that wouldn't seem suspicious. I'm just thankful Adrian knocked me into my senses.

Dimitri, unaware of his impending death, places his hands on either side of me pushing me back onto the bed. A sly smile was on his lips, the red of his eyes illuminating like a flashlight had been placed back there. He nuzzled my neck, my hairline and finally reaching my lips, kissed me. It wasn't full of warmth, love or of any emotion for that matter. It was a cold kiss, persuading me to open my self up to him. Give him what he wanted second most.

My blood and then me.


	2. Plans In Motion

I gave in, acting out my plan and kissed him. My heart broke with every kiss he planted, every hand that rubbed against me and every time those unloving eyes locked with mine. I still managed not to let my emotions get the best of me; using the only useful thing this cold shell of a Dimitri has taught me while here. I held back my tears, letting hatred fill me. I was mad that I blamed Dimitri for letting him self get turned, corrupted by evil, I was angry for how he used me even though it was him, and I was totally and utterly pissed off that he planned on using me in the future weather I liked it or not.

_This isn't my Dimitri, _I kept repeating in my head. Thinking it was easier said than done. Believing it was the hard part.

I gasped, Dimitri bracing his fangs to bite into me. "You know my love," I started, my voice shakier than I intended it to be. "I've been thinking." I propped my self up on my elbows, Dimitri leaning into me.

"About your decision I hope." He liked the tip ends of his fangs before retracting them. He was eager for blood but more eager for my decision which I didn't understand since he decided he'd turn me whether I wanted him to or not.

"Yes," I lied.

"So what is your choice?"

I smiled promiscuously and inched my hand to the side of the bed out of his view.

"What do you _think_ it is?" I asked trying to keep him talking.

He returned the smile and pushed his lips onto mine. I let him kiss me harder pushing me completely down onto the bed.

It worked.

He assumed I'd let him turn me and I now had the upper hand. It was time, before he bit me. A tear fell from my eyes at the thought. I gripped him tight with one hand and gripped the broken piece of wood with the other.

I pulled back slightly and looked into Dimitri's eyes. For a moment, just a moment, I could see a hint of _my _Dimitri. I took that as my opportunity.

"I love you and I am so sorry," I whispered before kissing him once again.

I felt it.

A brief moment flashed, where Dimitri was full of warmth and he kissed me back tenderly. The moment would pass as soon as it had come, strogoi Dimitri glazing over again, and I would lose my chance. Still kissing him I brought the piece down into his lower back.

He gasped and pulled back shocked and surprised.

I kept repeating, "I'm sorry," in a whisper.

I pulled on the knee high dress, the white sweater and my converse and took one look at Dimitri unconscious on the bed before running out of the door.


	3. Sweet Angel

Everything flashed through my eyes so quickly I was running on an adrenaline rush. As usual, the human maid lady burst through the door quickly but I was too heartbroken too deal wit her. Instead the second she was in the door I knocked her down, the door still open and put my hand on her throat choking her, motioning to the second door in the hallway. Not wanting to die, before being turned, she spit out a roll of numbers before falling into unconsciousness. I entered the numbers eager to get out of here and leave everything behind including my Dimitri. I silently wept walking down the second hallway, tears streaming down my face.

I forgot to think about other strogoi in the building and realized my mistake a little to late bumping into him, the one who took Dimitri from me.

"Hello," he drawled before lunging for me.

Nathan wanted me dead more than any body. We battled around the hallway, furniture shattering, holes forming in the walls and insults being thrown at one another. I managed to knock him down and get as far as possible through another door. I didn't know where I was until I turned behind me.

_Stakes_.

Did this mean there were others here before me unable to get out?

I shuddered at the thought, shook it off and pushed through the back door of the wide room. It led into a library stretching from ceiling to floor, wall to wall. My gaze was broken, a women reaching for me.

The woman Dimitri was talking about.

_Crap_.

I maneuvered and pushed around her towards a wide window that fell down I don't know how far. She screamed and shrieked at me all the while kicking the dhampire out of me. I was thrown into one of the long bookcases when suddenly three more strogoi walked into the room, Dimitri among them.

The make shift stake was pulled out, a holed on the side of his shirt. The woman reached for me again but someone stopped her.

Dimitri.

"Go," he grunted.

He didn't have to tell me twice. I jumped up, Dimitri blocking the blonde strogoi and the woman. For a brief moment I was going to stay behind and help him fight but the wind blowing in from the window knocked some sense into me.

The fall from the window was higher than I anticipated. I was treading through the forest on a limp. I could hear my own breathing, the howling wind and Dimitri shouting my name.

He'd made it.

He'd killed them in the process. The only thoughts that stayed in my head were whether it was the evil Dimitri or the warm Dimitri I fell in love with and to get away from either one and leave Russia behind all together.

"You could save us a lot of time if you stop running, Rose. I'll find you."

It was definitely the evil Dimitri.

I kept running through the maze, finally making it out and into a clearing the trees in the far distance and a river running along side me with a bridge built over it.

I was trapped, a sitting duck.

Quickly thinking I climbed the only tree in the middle of the clearing and waited. I could here the footfall of Dimitri. Once he was under neither the branches I was on, I leaped down and tackled him my ankle cussing me out in protest.

We rolled around, me trying to fight him off and get a good aim on him, Dimitri trying to bite me, eagerness building up in his eyes.

Frustrated that I still had the stake in my hand, he pushed me off of him and down towards the bank where the river was. I rolled down the hill, leave and sticks smacking me on my way down. I bumped against the wooded post of the bridges and grunted in pain. Dimitri was at the top of the hill carefully making his way down. I stood up as quick as I could and limped onto the bridge my final plan in action. I propped my self up and over the railing and waited.

If he pushed me off trying to grab for me, I wouldn't have the responsibility of killing him. If I staked him and then fell off, the odds of both of us floating up to where Lissa thought heaven was, we'd be together and away from this terrible world. Either way my odds of dying were higher than me living. Dimitri finally reached the bridge and stood anticipating what I'd do.

"Roza," he rolled trying to get the best of me. I shook it off and let the tears fall freely. I imagined they glistened in the moonlight. Dimitri, barely hurt but disheveled walked toward me but stopped a few feet short.

"Why Dimitri?" I asked like so many times before. I had this idea that if he told me what I wanted to hear and meant it I'd give in to him. I didn't like it but the thought was in my mind. He laughed an unemotional laugh.

"Because you'd be a great asset to me, to all the strogoi out there. I could give you anything you wanted and we could be together, living out immortal lives forever."

"There's something you can't give me," I told him, my grip on the stake tightening and my grip on the bridge loosening. Right now I didn't care weather I lived or died, just as long as Dimitri knew why.

"What's that?" he asked a confused expression covering his face.

"Love." I jumped off then hoping to hit the water quick so death would take over as fast as possible. Instead I stopped short of the river's surface, stake still in my hand and Dimitri gripping my sprained ankle.

I leaned upward in an upside down pull up position and pushed the stake through, all my love for Dimitri transferring through the stake. I could almost swear it illuminated in the darkness. Dimitri, again surprised, toppled backward to the other end of the bridge, his back against the railing.

"That's…what you wanted," he gasped. The wetness from my hand was loosening my grip and for a second I blinked and it was Dimitri, actually my Dimitri standing on the other side of the bridge before I let go barely hearing, "I'm sorry," before hitting the water.


	4. Safe and Healed

**DPOV**

I woke up to the rush of the river beneath me, splinters of wood in my cheek and headache drumming in my ears. I wished I woke up to a dream and that none of this was real.

Of course as Rose once reminded me, dreams don't always come true.

_Or maybe they do, _a thought answered floating through my mind. I sat up a clank sounded, echoing around me on the bridge.

A Stake.

Automatically I looked down and searched my stomach for wounds. Nothing but a long scar across my chest. And then it hit me.

_Rose._

I leaped up feeling weak, my bones aching and creaking protest.

_"My body is going to cuss me out later,"_ Rose once said.

I silently laughed at the memory looking over the edge of the bridge for any sign of her. The last thing I remembered was, lunging at her grabbing her ankle, a bright white flash dancing in front of my eyes and then hitting the back of the bridge, uttering an, "I'm sorry," as there was a splash and blanking out.

There was no sign of her. I walked over to the other side of the bridge, my eyes agape.

She was there, on the bank of the river, her dress caught between a long outstretched tree roots. I moved swiftly leaping over the end of the bridge praying with all my heart that she was okay.

Without even a moment's hesitation, I leaped into the water, grateful the academy makes everyone take at the least two years of swimming lessons. The water rushed over me, pulling me toward its roaring rapids, the coolness blending in with the frosty temperature.

It took a moment or so but I finally reached her and grabbed the edge of the bank.

She was face up in the water thank goodness but I couldn't tell whether she was breathing or not.

**RPOV**

I'm dead.

The only thing I felt was the cold wind wrapping around me, shivers running up and down my body. _Well I couldn't be in hell unless it was reformed just for little ol' me. _

It took a few seconds for everything to register. I was dead and I didn't care, the past few months' memories folding over me. As long as I didn't have Dimitri, I felt like part of me was torn away.

In the far background in the distance, I could hear the voice of someone calling my name. Numbly, I was aware I stirred and moaned.

_Please don't let me live, _I silently whined.

I wanted desperately to break away from this awful world where love is pushed aside for duty, where it's looked down upon to love someone and want to be with them forever, for the rest of your life and break away from your job no matter what.

For once, I was glad I sounded like some love struck whiney teenager. I was two out of three of those things.

_This couldn't possibly be heaven it requires too much thinking. I thought I'd be free. Or maybe all this thinking is my personal hell. _

"Roza," a voice whispered to me. It familiarity hummed in my ears sending an elated buzz through me. Dimitri was in this heaven/hell with me too! I tried to move my lips to respond, to just say his name on my lips but I was too cold. Instead I went with a moan so he'd know I was here (wherever here was). I tried to open my eyes, but saw nothing but darkness.

_Is this what blind and deaf people feel like cause it feels awful?_ I made a ghostly mental note to someday get Liss to donate to a charity. As a ghost I'd send her a message or something.

"Rosemarie…you," the voice whispered again. This time it was clearer but the angel's (Dimitri's) voice was cut off by a roaring. I could feel my head shift to the side lulling, a tickling wetness splashing my cheeks.

_How do dead people wake up in this heaven like thing? _

"Roza…love you. I'm going to…of here." I pulled all the energy around me and used it to wake my self from this daze. My eyes barely lifted. Through the slits of my eyes I could see flowing, rushing of water in front of me. My head felt like there was an elephant standing on top of it. I could lift it.

"…mitri," I was able to get out. I could almost hear the smile on his face (as weird as that sounds). "Are…you in heaven too? Did…I…was I really able…to kill you?" I asked shivering and stutter with my words.

It killed me to admit I killed the love of my life but as long as we were together up here in the big blue or white or whatever it was it didn't matter. At least I hope it wouldn't matter. A tear slipped out my eye and rolled down my cheek mixing with the wetness splashing on my face.

He laughed lightly; I could feel his cold fingers rubbing against my cheek wiping the tear away with his wrinkled finger.

"I'm not dead. At least I think I'm not. Just hold on sweetheart. I'm going to get you out of the water soon." His voice was so much clearer now I smiled loving the sound of it and wishing he'd tell me one of his stories or something. I could listen to him all day.

"I think, you're in denial Dimitri." I giggled. I hoped so because I don't think I couldn't live with my self after killing him or without him.

"One of us is in denial and it isn't me Roza," he said. His voice was strained like he was struggling with something.

"What are you doing here in the Wonderful World of Heaven?"

"I think it is now clear which one of us is in a delusional denial state," he laughed. "But I really shouldn't be laughing at the moment. You're stuck."

"In heaven." For some reason his words weren't getting through to me but going straight through me.

"No," he replied with a frustrated strained voice.

"Aww man. I always knew I'd end up here. Everyone tried to tell me. Liss warned me when I occasionally tried to get out of going to church with her and not believing in God and what not." I was suddenly aware of everything around me. I could hear everything more clearly now, but my sense of feeling was numb and my eyesight was blurred. I could speak in a stronger and yet slightly hoarse voice. "I never thought that when someone said to go to hell it'd actually work!" I exclaimed.

"You're not in hell Rose," he reassured me, placing both his hands on each side of my face. I barely felt when my cheeks slightly lifted up into a wide smile exposing all of my pearly whites.

"So I am in heaven."

He laughed and went on to doing what ever it was he was doing. "Just hold on sweetie. I'm getting you out of here."

I felt giddy and light headed, smiling and humming lightly, eyes shut and lolling my head, up, down and side to side. I turned my head in the direction I sensed Dimitri was in beside me when he said my name interrupting my happiness.

"I'm sorry. For everything." I furrowed my brow and pouted my lips. It took me a while to respond. Dimitri went back to struggling with what he's doing and didn't say anything.

I smiled.

"Honey, this is heaven where I can forgive you for everything even though it wasn't your fault." Guilt washed over me. "I should be apologizing for leaving you love."

He tilted my chin up wards. The intensity of his eyes forced me to open mine. I could see clearly now the haze was gone. Those chocolaty eyes were there again staring into mine.

"Don't ever think that beautiful. Ever. Okay?" I nodded vehemently and went back to my happy tune. We were outside in the cold river, numbing everything below the top of my chest. I was hanging on to the bank my dress trapped on an outstretched piece of wood. Dimitri held on to my waist keeping him self balanced and trying to get me unstuck.

My hero. I was giddy with elation and went back to humming a different tune. Heaven must take place where you die.

_Are we going to haunt this place forever or will me and my ghostly love be able to haunt from afar?_ I thought worriedly. Trying to believe I was alive was just not clicking in my mind.


	5. Two As Strong As Three

RPOV

It was so cold now it hurt. The pain from my sprained/broken ankle was shooting up my leg with the rush and push of the river's current, the open gash on the back of my shoulder from hitting the bridge and then the water made me light headed, and worst of all, I had a long gash on my side from hitting against the branch I was still stuck on that felt worse and worse with each second that passed. Every few seconds Dimitri would comfort me with soothing words and a kiss on the nose but he was focused on not hurting me any more.

"Anymore than I already have," he told me.

"Hey, I thought we agreed on no guilt?"

"I didn't want you to feel guilty. I on the other hand I have every right to." I shook my head. In the last ten painful moments Dimitri had convinced me in my weakened state that I wasn't really dead.

"Dimitri…are you mad that I brought you back?" he yanked the end of my dress finally and pulled me with him up the bank and out of the river and the splintering wood in my side. I sighed with relief as he hovered over me scanning me for wounds.

"You have a bad wound. Let me take care of it," he said laying me on the grass. He was panting for air as he pulled off his over shirt and wrapped it around me.

"You didn't answer me."

"I'm not mad at you, I could never be mad at you. I mean I am pretty…"

"Pissed?" I inserted.

"Yeah, that you put your self in danger to save me like this. I could have killed you Rose and then we would have both been screwed." He looked me in the eye and stroked my cheek. "But I'm too grateful to let it get to me. I owe you my life Roza."

"No. Just your love," I smiled wincing. He stared at me a second longer and then gave me one of those smiles I loved, the heart warming smiles that lit me up inside before 'bandaging' my wound.

"We have to get out of here."

"I know, but how? I don't even know how I got in."

"I carried you after I knocked you out but that might be a little bit harder since I don't have the strength I used to."

I sat up bracing my self against the pain, with Dimitri helping me, leaning me against him. He stroked my arm and we listened to the rush of the water for a while. I felt the softness of a kiss on my head and smiled. In a way it helped me forget everything and only focus on him and me, together.

It was only a moment though so soon after a thought of Sydney struck me like lightening.

"Sydney!"

"What?"

"Sydney. She's an alchemist. She helped me narrow down where you were because in a way I was causing a bit of trouble for her work load but she helped me get to your…" I trailed off.

"To my what?" He looked hopeful his eyes dancing.

"Family."

"You met them? Whoa wait you met an alchemist?" His Russian accent was so sweet and familiar it stopped me for a second, spacing out. He had to shake me back to his attention.

"We need to get you up and out of here," he said more to himself than me. He lifted me up into his arms and we walked toward where he assumed the road was. "When in doubt, use your dhampire intuition."

"Noted," I replied. I kissed the side of his neck glad to have my Dimitri back; my warm loving brown eyed Dimitri. He smiled in return and stopped. He laid me onto a long swaying patch of grass and kneeled in front of me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Well, so that I don't add to our situation I'd say I feel fine. But that would be a lie so I gotta say, I feel pretty darn crappy."

He laughed softly and stroked my hair. "I'm going to get you safe and out of here."

He looked around us and out toward the road silently hoping a car would come. When five of the longest hours passed (Dimitri was wearing one of the most fashionably manly watches ever) a car was coming from up ahead but I don't remember getting in because last thing I heard before blanking out was Dimitri conversing in thick Russian with somebody else and then I fell asleep.

DPOV

When I turned back from the car window, the elderly man came around to unlock the back door while I went to lift Rose. She was asleep on the grass the ghost of a smile on her beautiful lips.

I pulled her into my arms, got into the car where we were driven away to the city. I loved just holding and watching her without the urge to kill her in my blood. Of course that was a time I would never forget and would stay in my memory along with guilt I'd never live down but it didn't mean I wouldn't stay away from my Rose or leave her.

Even if it was best for both of us.

Deep down I knew I could never leave her again. It would be too painful and it would kill me to see her hurting so much as it was now. We were each other's other half and would forever stay that way.

I moved so that I could lean on the window and she could stretch out at the same time. She would turn her face into my shirt whenever a bump in the road would move us. She was practically a cocoon in my arms. When I pulled her legs out form under her to stretch her out on top of mine she'd curl into a ball again and tighten her grip on me. I smiled silently into her hair and whispered I love you's only for her ears to hear alone.

RPOV

I woke up with the moist heat on my mouth thick around me. Dimitri was leaning me against him and thanking an elderly couple. They looked doubtful to leave us in such conditions. From what I could understand, he reassured them and the drove away saying something about us being in their prayers and staying safe.

I'd heard it enough times to figure a few Russian words here and there.

I looked up at Dimitri and winced at the crack in my neck craning my neck upward.

"Ouch," I grumbled.

"Hey sleepy. How are you feeling?"

"A little bit worse actually," I admitted. He lifted me into his arms again and moved toward a small café. The street was mostly deserted, as was the café.

He propped me on the stool at the bar and leaned me against him. He asked the guy behind the bar for a telephone and then placed it beside me.

"Okay this is weird. I don't know who exactly to call. I'm dead." I flinched at his words.

"You're not dead. You're just temporarily…out of it."

"Subtle."

"I thought so. I could call Sydney."

She picked up on the first ring as if anticipating my call listened to my story and then asked to speak to Dimitri to ask exactly where we were. In less than an hour she arrived with another alchemist and gave us money and offered us a ride to somewhere specific. Dimitri to my surprise declined.

She eyed him and then looked from me to him.

"What?" I asked

"I see it surprisingly."

"See what?" Dimitri asked a puzzled look on his face.

"The…connection between you two. I swear it's like a rope is…" she trailed off shaking it off. "Never mind. I can't believe you found a way to heal one of…your own and bring them back. This'll cause a big stir up."

"Not if you don't tell them," I warned her.

"Not that I care but why?"

"Some things are best kept secret," Dimitri replied.

"I don't even know how I did it so for me as an…associate, keep it to your self. For once put friendship before loyalty."

She nodded before picking up her jacket to leave. "But we're not friends. I still don't like you." I nodded once at her and mumbled an "I know."

She gave me a slight wink before leaving the café.

"You make friends everywhere you go," he remarked.

"So do you."

"What was that about?"

"I'll tell you later. Why'd you decline her offer for a ride?"

"I think it's better if we're alone for a while." He thought for a second staring into space. "Or maybe not. Maybe it would be best if…"

"Don't think that. I have a feeling my sudden flow of magical Lissa –ness will stick. It wont fade."

"I hope so."

DPOV

Too much has happened. Time it self has ceased for us. There was always this constant warmth wrapped around us even when the windows of the hotel are closed, as are the blinds for privacy.

I've lost track of how long we've been here. All I know is that's its been over a week, I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I have my Rose by my side.

Actually to be more accurate she's attached to my side, her arm wrapped tightly around my waist snuggled into her pillow.

It's the perfect moment and nothing can ruin it.

_For now._

RPOV

I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming of days and days of pure bliss with the man, love of my life. We've spent days, in this dream, laughing and joking around like we were normal humans and not guardians (training novice for me) of a vampire world.

This is my own personal heaven.

I'm almost positive I'm dreaming all of this until I stir awake. There's a ray of heat spread across my bareback and a warm body my arm is clinging around. My eyelashes brush against his chest as I open them. I meet those beautiful brown ones I'll always drown in.

Dimitri smiles, pulls me closer to him and kisses the tip of my nose.

It's a sweet and gentle kiss.

"For a fragile flower," he says aloud, answering my thoughts. My lips pull up into smile.

"Me? A fragile flower?" I whisper. We're in our own little world, private bubble only meant for us.

"But of course my Rose," he chuckles. I run my fingers through his hair trailing them down his neck and over his shoulder.

"It…feels so unreal comrade."

"I know." He brushes my hair behind my ear and strokes my cheek gently.

"Sometimes…it's like, I don't know. You remember out in the river when I thought we were dead?"

He nods slightly.

"It's like that. Like this is all a dream and I hate to say it but all my dreams eventually shatter."

"Don't say that Roza. We're going to be fine." He leans over and kisses me on the lips letting his lips linger there for a while. "I'm here to stay."

"I hope so," I whisper. Those are the same three words he used when he doubted the longing affect of healing magic.

"Those three words are likely to work as I love you," he reassures me.

"You're right. We're thinking positive."

"Let's just move forward from it all and forget everything from before," he suggests.

"Everything?" I raise my brows.

"Yes," he says firmly.

I'm waiting for him to catch on to my expression.

"Everything before…this bliss?" I gesture to the warm air around us.

"Yes."

"You mean the moments we shared in the gym, in your dorm room…the cabin?" He smiles, realizing my point.

"No. Not those memories but…everything that happened since-"

"You were gone."

He presses his lips together. We hadn't once brought up the month or so Dimitri was gone, though the thought always lingered in our minds. I didn't mention the loneliness I went through, depression and determination and a bit of confusion or the many bad dreams I had.

He didn't mention anything else.

When we came close to the subject we'd stray away from it intentionally at first and then by habit afterwards.

Curiosity rings in my mind. I don't want any secrets between us, anything blocking us from an even happier bliss than this one. I don't want Dimitri going through anything bad alone when we could be going through it together.

"Dimitri. I'm sure you've noticed but…we never talk about it."

"I know," Is all he says. His eyes fall downward. I wait for him to say more but get nothing so I continue.

I relay my previous thoughts to him.

He's silent.

"Look Dimitri. I just-"

"-Rose. Please. Don't."

His voice trembles and his eyes are the saddest they've ever been. I close my mouth. My thumb strokes his cheek. Immediately I feel guilty.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"Please. Just don't."

He moves my hand away before sitting up. I figured that there would be a negative affect to all of this. Consequences are always behind something good that happens.

I roll on my back and stare at the ceiling.

The bed moves when he gets up and stands by the window that view out to the forest tops behind the city. The view is nice but not as good as Dimitri, tanned and muscled, and in his shorts.

I smile to my self-shaking the previous awkwardness away. I grab Dimitri's button down black shirt I had thrown on the floor earlier and pull it on. My hair falls in waves over my shoulders and sways when I stand behind Dimitri wrapping my hands around him in a lock.

"You know. From down there it's fun to watch you but from here-" I move around to the front of him "-I can do this." I reach up on my toes and kiss him. It's only a brief second before he tightens his arms around my waist. His hands trail up and down my thigh slowly, trailing my skin. The touch leaves a tingling sensation in its path.

"That's always fun," he agrees pulling away for a second. We look into each other's eyes and smile.

Things are tense now but I know they'll get better; I try to convince my self.

I know they will.

_I hope._


	6. Where To Go

RPOV

I don't wake up to the sight of Dimitri lying beside me. Instead I'm back at the academy on the roof of my dorm room. It's daylight and I'm sitting on the edge of the roof rocking my feet back and forth.

"Rose!"

I turn around and Lissa is standing a few feet behind me. We have a sort of movie moment of bounding toward one another, neither knocking each other down once we're locked in a fierce hug.

"Long time no see, girlie!"

She immediate pulls away her previous excitement completely gone except for her eyes.

"Where have you been? I have been worried sick over you! Did you…did find Dimitri? Did you…"  
"Slow down, Liss, one question at a time. Since when are we able to share dreams?" I asked gesturing to the generally air around us.

"I've been practicing with Adrian. Don't change the subject. What's going on? What's been happening?" I can hear all of the questions trying to build in her mind and all of her confusion and mix of excitement.

"You're not going to believe me."

I figure I'd start with the hard part of the story first.

"I don't think I like the sound of that," Liss muttered as we sat on the edge of the roof. "Start from the beginning," she instructed, exhaling.

So much for my plan to start with the hard part.

So I told her.

We talked about our fight before I left in search of Dimitri and both seemed to easily forgive each other as we always did. I told her of everything that happened in Russian up until recently.

"Wait, wait, wait…go back. You…changed him with a stake?"

I nod.

"Yup. I have this theory about being shadow kissed and all that but I'm still unclear on the details."

Lissa just nodded, surprised and stunned. We sat for a moment our comfortable friendly silence.

"So…what happens now?" I glanced over at her when her voice broke. She had tears in her bright green eyes.

I wanted to comfort her as I always had but I was feeling as emotional as she was at the moment and I wasn't sure if it was because of the bond, my own emotions, or a mixture of both.

"I don't know," I shrugged locking my arm with hers. "Dimitri and I have been a little…distracted."

I must've implied a lot in that last word because Lissa looked over at me unsurprised and smiling.

"Really? Dare I ask doing what?"

"Do you want the details or just the good stuff?"

We laughed, our voices harmonizing just like we sued to when it had been just Lissa and I without sordid and tangled love lives and friendships. Once we stopped laughing Lissa's face grew sad again. She squeezed my hand and leaned her head against my own.

"You aren't coming home soon are you, Rose?"

It took me a moment but I shook my head in answer.

"Not anytime soon, I don't think. We haven't really talked about it but Dimitri…isn't the same as he used to be. He needs time and he needs me. I want to be with him."

It was hard to admit the noticeable change in Dimitri but I was trying to dwell on the amazingly wonderful fact of simply having my Dimitri back.

Lissa sighed squeezing my hand again.

"I get it," she said simply.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you, Liss. For the first time in my life I'm doing something for me," I tried to reassure her. "Dimitri makes me feel…"

When I couldn't come up with a response I laugh nervously.

"I feel the same way with Christian," she filled in. She wiped at the tear that fell down her cheeks. "Just…. promise me you'll _eventually_ come home so that I can see _both_ of you in person instead of relying on dreaming."

I nodded and agreed. I missed my best friend. I didn't realize how much until just then but timing being one of my bad qualities, I could feel myself stirring awake in the real world.

"I think the dream is starting to fade," I told her.

She looked around us where the dark sky seemed to be fading to a darker black. "You'll be okay without me, won't you?"

"I'll be alright. Don't take that as an invitation to not come home though," she warned me grabbing me in an unimaginably tighter hug than before. I laughed, shaking both of us.

"'Love ya, Liss."

"You too Rose. Be careful, please."

I started to say something about Dimitri being more than capable of protecting me but I decided just to nod since it was growing darker and the dream was completely gone.

I opened my eyes to our hotel room in Russia. It took me a moment to fully stir awake and when I did I was disappoint to find that I was only on the lush bed.

I sat up quickly, blood rushing from head, looking around the room.

Dimitri had been sitting by the window. He glanced at me briefly and, realizing that I was awake, stood and walked toward me.

"You slept a long time."

"Tired I guess." I could hear the own sadness in my voice at the thought of my best friend being so far away from where I was. I ran a hand through my hair and immediately tried to brighten. "Can you really blame me? You were starting to ware me down last night," I joke.

Dimitri gives a slight smile but my earlier sadness doesn't go unnoticed. He sits on the edge of the bed and wraps the sheet I'd been laying on tighter around my shoulders.

"What's wrong, Roza?"

I start to lie, shaking my head but he stops me with one of his dead on stares that always manage to send the strongest currents of heat through my body.

"I saw…I talked to Liss…in a dream. Apparently she's learned to dream walk."

"You miss her," he noted.

"Yeah but we talked. We're okay now. She asked when we're coming home. I told her that I wasn't sure, it kind of has me thinking. What are we going to do now?"

He sat very still staring off. I figured that he was thinking of a response but for what seemed like the first time, Dimitri was as uncertain about the future as I was.

"I don't know," he finally answered.

He shifted that astonishingly deep brown gaze toward me as if saying he really hadn't thought about it and maybe I had a suggestion. I had noticed a slight change in him since last night's moment when we decided no to talk about the elephant in the room. I didn't know how to bring up the subject again without hurting or upsetting him again.

I crawled closer toward him locking my arms around his broad shoulders. Even through the t-shirt he was wearing I could feel the restored heat to his body. I had nearly forgotten what Dimitri felt like and how good he smelled, aftershave or no aftershave.

The man is intoxicating.

I leaned against him nuzzling against his neck.

"Well, we don't have to figure it out now."

"Rose, the money Sydney gave us will only last us so long," he pointed out, forever the responsible one. He shifted trying to pull me away from him. His sudden change in mood was a little disheartening and I released my grip. I realized it was best to give him a little bit of space while he tried to deal with whatever inner demons he was fighting but everyone has their limit, especially me, and we'd eventually have to talk about all of this.

I settled myself on the space beside him on the bed thinking and deciding to push aside the sudden distance between us.

We, a renegade dhampire and a recently were in some city in the large country that was Russia, with little money; no plans to return home soon and no plans for our immediate future.

I was thinking all of this and then an idea came to mind.

"I think I know where we can go."


	7. Sure Of One Thing

RPOV

"You want us to go where?"

Dimitri wasn't reacting to my plan to go to his family's house as well as I had hoped or expected.

"They think you're dead. Everyone you've ever known here in Russia thinks your dead. We should go and see them, show them that you're alive and all right," I was trying to convince him.

He let out a deep breath running his hands over his face. He looked little bit tired around the eyes and I wondered if he'd slept at all since we'd been here or since he'd been changed. I noted to bring that topic up later since he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Don't you think it'll be a bit of a shock and sort of…unexplainable how I'm...me again?"

In all honesty I hadn't really thought about it. I had imagined Dimitri's family would be so thrilled and elated at seeing him alive again and that a huge part would be thrown in his honor. Suddenly, though, the image of Dimitri standing at his mother's door step and everyone assuming he was still a strogoi come to kill his family appeared in my mind along with the image of a bunch of pointy stakes and a few out of practice former guardians holding them.

I pulled my clothes on and sat beside him on the bed again.

"It'll be weird and probably extremely awkward, and we'd better take you there during the daytime just to be safe, but they're your family, they're the among the first people that should know you're alive again. No one from St. Vladimir's even bothered to tell them you'd been changed in the first place. We owe them this much. Not to mention that we don't have very many options on where to go from here."

He sighed again, resting his chin on his folded hands. I tugged on his arm to hold his hand and nearly forgotten how strong he was.

"Things are different now. No more having to hide or lie. It's just you and me and I think we can do anything so long as we're together."

I realized how much I sounded like Dimitri when he had been a strogoi trying to recruit me to join the undead. As if reading my thoughts and feeling the same unnerving chill that ran through my body, Dimitri pulled away standing.

"You're right, things are different now. I can't go back to being the same person I was before."

"So what do you suggest we do?" I asked growing a little bit frustrated. My plans and ideas always seemed to work out in my head.

He stood as far away from me as possible, across the room, arms folded over his chest. Looking at him now I noticed how much he had changed. He didn't have the soft expressions I'd seen him wear occasionally when I was around. His warm brown eyes had turned a little bit too distant, guarded and cold.

He took a deep breath and I expected his next words weren't going to be something I liked.

"I've been thinking about this for along time and I think that we should…part ways from here."

The last six words of what he just said played on repeat in my head and each time I heard it, my heart dropped to the floor.

"What?"

"You said so yourself, Rose. Things are different now. I'm not the same Dimitri I used to be, that you used to know me as. I did terrible things-"

"That wasn't your fault," I interrupted springing up from the bed but he kept going.

"I did terrible things," he continued "that you don't know about and wouldn't believe. I need sometime to myself to figure everything out."

I wanted to argue that I had dropped everything that I had walked away from my friends, school, and any chance I had at becoming Lissa's guardian to keep my promise that Dimitri wouldn't live as a strogoi. I wanted to remind him that less than a day ago he had said he'd loved me but maybe after a few days as a restored dhampire, reality had set in for him and he had changed. I know I had changed since leaving the academy but I couldn't imagine what Dimitri was going through especially if he wouldn't talk to me and suddenly decided that we shouldn't be together. I wanted to argue all of these things but by the sold expression on Dimitri's face I could tell that any arguments I through at him would be futile and that his decision had been made with or without my input. I suddenly remembered, before Mason had died and I had been sitting with Dimitri on a rooftop, when I realized that I couldn't force myself to love someone.

Maybe the same idea applied here.

I couldn't force Dimitri to want to stay with me.

"If you were just going to leave why did you make me feel like I did at the academy and tell me you love me and sleep with me?"

His impassive expression didn't falter.

"You know I wouldn't intentionally hurt you. Everything was happening so quickly and I thought I'd feel the same way I did but I'm finding it hard to go back to the way things were. I can't forget my past, Rose."

The fact that his words held as much emotion as his emotionless expression did hurt as much as the words themselves. I felt my chest tightening and tears building up behind my eyes. I still couldn't believe that this was my Dimitri. I wouldn't cry in front of him though.

I grabbed my shoes on the floor and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"What does it matter to you? If you want space, I'm giving it to you." I was ready to simply walk out of the door and just but I couldn't help adding a few last words to my dramatic goodbye. "Do you know what hurts the most? Not that you've been pushing me away or that you want to be away from me. It hurts that I thought you were without doubt one of the few people I could count on in the world. I thought that maybe I finally had someone that wanted me too. You're the strongest person I know, willing to do the right thing or at least you used to be but now I'm just disappointed."

And with that, I turned the knob, opening the door and walked out without looking back.

I wasn't sure where I was headed but I did know one thing for certain. I couldn't make him want to be with me.

I just wished it wasn't true.


End file.
